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Lawyers! :(

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Oct 172010

: Corporate J

Lawyers: The catalyst of the apocalypse!

I will be the first to admit that there is a need for lawyers and that some of them may actually perform honorable work. The problem is that the trade is plagued with opportunists, greed mongers, and sue happy parasites, that have created the ultra litigious society of today. How many ads do you see on television for personal injury lawyers, divorce lawyers or DUI. Not only do these sharks thrive on the misfortunate, they make a ton of money to absolve criminals they know are guilty for their large paycheck. They make their living by helping those who are as opportunistic as they are. Spill some coffee on yourself at a large chain? chching!! Get let go for being a terrible employee, but the company lacked the proper archives of documentation to prove you sucked? No worries, there’ll be a bloodsucker that will represent you and get you money for nothing. What happened to being accountable for your actions and realizing that from time to time shit happens? It doesn’t mean you need to sue someone! I believe the weak and lazy who pursue a quick payday because they’re to inept to make a good living are a big part of the problem, but Lawyers, please use that intelligence that helped you through law school and passing the bar. How about passing on some of the ridiculous lawsuits and become a steward of society that moves it in the right direction. You may not be able to afford that third home, but perhaps you could sleep a bit better at night without the help of Ambien. Oh wait, there’s another lawsuit in the mix for crashing your car while driving in a sleep induced coma due to your inability to read a label or recognizing a side-effect and saying “hey, this stuff makes me feel weird”. How about some personal liability? Oh yeah, the lawyers took that away. Welcome to the world of it’s everyone’s fault but mine!

Antisocial Network

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Oct 162010

Facebook is everyone’s private newspaper. It’s full of information you want to hear, but mostly shit you don’t.. I myself am guilty of Spacebooking while driving, sometimes it’s the only thing that can get me through the commute. I’ve realized that there are five basic food groups with Spacebookers..
#1. Doom and Gloom.. which is my fave. Doom and Gloom comes in many varieties, but here are my favorites: People that post open ended statements that mean nothing other than too get you to comment so they can feel relevant. And then there is the classic FML (Fuck my life for those of you that are not Spacebook savvy), I hate everything, can’t get a job, why can’t I just win the lottery, nothing ever goes my way type of posts.. Here’s the answer… things don’t go your way because your a pothole and most people try to avoid those.. or maybe because you are on Facebook all day instead of doing something to try better your life. Why you can’t win the lottery? You have to buy a ticket to win and since you have no money because you don’t have a job because you are on Facebook all day, you can’t buy one.
#2 Kid’s…. It’s all babies and kid’s all the time. Party invites for a 1 year old.(this is extremely important because you know they are going to remember that when they are older). Their profile pic is a picture of one of their kids, every photo album is titled one of the following: Kid’s Birthday, Kids at the Park, picnic with the kids, summer fun with the kids.. Wait what am I talking about, Nobody cares! Yes Spacebookers nobody cares about your kid’s.. Sorry.
#3 ”MY BAND” ”MY BAND” ”MY BAND” ”MY BAND”
Yeah, we just don’t care or want to go to your CD release party.. your band sucks that’s why you advertise on here..
#4 ”Politics”
If you really know everything.. You probably don’t need us as friends..and if your just looking to argue, tell your wife she’s fat, that should be able to stir up something..
#5 ”I’m super witty”
These are the people with heavy damage from high school.. They were picked on, beat-up, had no friends, and had their lunch money stolen everyday. On Facebook these people try to friend every person in the their graduating class. Facebook to them is a way of redemption… to show everybody what they missed out on, like how God Damn funny and smart they are and the pure wit that they exude seventeen times a day. These are my least favorite people on Facebook and just thinking about it is making me mad… therefore I must end this rant. FML. Nigel

Auto Tune - The worst musical invention since the triangle!

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Oct 152010

The work of the Devil!

This is a funny vide0 about the worst musical invention ever! It used to be that one needed a shred of talent or at the least a unique style to make music! Not anymore! Now everyone can have the same shitty sound! Enjoy.

Autotune

Corporate J

Dating for Ugly People!! Why??

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Oct 142010

Don’t allow this to go on!

http://cnn.com/video/?/video/bestoftv/2010/10/09/nr.ugly.dating.cnn

Do we really need a dating site for ugly people? I certainly don’t wish to deprive anyone of love and companionship, but can we require all who subscribe to this site to be fixed? Oh wait a second, that sounded a bit hitleresque, but we are sort of cirumventing natural selection by encourging the coupling of those who would otherwise not be chosen for breeding. I understand that my genes should not be carried on and avoid finding an ugly mate and creating an ugly child.

Do we really need more of these people in the world?

Tipping is for the Birds!

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Oct 142010

Corporate J

Now, before you start whining about what a cold heartless bastard I am, completely true, let me tell you that I worked many jobs as a teenager in the service industry. Sur, the waitress may be cute and provide good service, but what about the hungover long haired punk who is slaving in a hot kitchen all day preparing your grub. Or how about the kid cleaning up your dirty dishes in the back. You wouldn’t think of tipping them! So what is the deal with these outdated traditions, isn’t it time to buck the system? I agree with Mr Pink. If your looking for me to help pay the bills, learn a new trade.

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